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Part Two: Building Lasting Unity and Empowerment in Marriage
31 Oct, 2024 · By Natalie Grace · Comments

Part Two: Building Lasting Unity and Empowerment in Marriage

31 Oct, 2024 · By Natalie Grace · Comments

In Part One, we explored how seemingly innocent venting about our spouses can lead families down paths of division, deception, and destruction if we're not careful. If you didn't read Part One, I recommend starting here. Now, let's look into how we, as women, can reclaim our bond with our partners and experience genuine empowerment.

Defining True Partnership
First, I think we have to return to understanding what real partnership is and isn’t. Just like in business, we assign roles to people based on their strengths, marriage shouldn’t be any different. It’s a partnership, just like any other. So instead of getting caught up in who's doing what at all times, we should be asking: is it reasonable to expect an equal division of responsibilities, or do we have different responsibilities that are equal in value?
 
Because let’s speak the truth: Men and women are different. It’s not a bad thing, and it shouldn't be controversial. We are equal in value but different. So rather than deny this or see it as a hindrance, I believe it's easier to embrace these differences as complementary, not a setback.
 
A Fresh Perspective...
Let's discuss the common pattern I see in forums: Moms feeling resentful towards Dad/their husband for not contributing as equally, especially with the children during or after maternity leave. I agree that carrying the full responsibility of raising children while working full-time is too much. If a husband wants his wife to take on that traditional caregiver role, he should step up as the sole provider—something’s got to give. But I believe more often, there’s something else we need to unpack.
 
As moms, sometimes, we have to step back honestly and ask: Am I allowing Dad the space to step in as equally? And to do things his own way? I know it sounds stereotypical, but as mothers, we often have the best intentions, and sometimes, it can come across as controlling (I can say this because my hands are up!). We’ve either carried the baby for nine months or spent every waking moment with the baby on maternity leave. It’s only natural for a maternal response to take over. But if we’re often correcting, stepping in, or criticizing Dad, then he might get the message, "Mom knows best," and step back. And if someone is made to feel inadequate or without value, they might just live up to that role.

It seems like we place high expectations on dads to be equally good at nurturing and providing, but do we extend the same grace to them when they fall short? I know my husband has given me an overflow of grace as I've navigated motherhood, and I wonder if I've given the same to him. I think we owe it to dads to give them some grace and recognize that they’re figuring out parenting just like we are.

Embracing Seasons

Second, I want to remind people that marriage is a long-term journey that ebbs and flows through seasons. For example, any parent knows those sleepless nights with a newborn won’t last forever, but it's what's required in this season. It might be the case where mom is in greater demand when the babies are young. However, fast forward some years, and Dad is the one stepping up more to bring them to sports, help with homework, and activities, while Mom focuses more on her career. Or maybe you’ve established an agreement where it’s the opposite. The point is, you’re partnering together to embrace your strengths and recognize what's helping you thrive as a whole. I encourage people to look at the long-term picture, as opposed to one snapshot of their marriage. Recognize that we are to support each other through different seasons, and sometimes this means making sacrifices for the best of the family.

Final Conclusions and Helpful Resources

To the woman in the Facebook post and to any mother who shares her sentiments of feeling hurt and resentful, my heart goes out to you. I'm not suggesting that your husband is a saint. But I encourage you to shift your focus. Instead of listing his shortcomings, recognize what he’s doing right. Write it down. Thank him. A little appreciation can breathe life into someone. Then, honestly ask yourself: Where can I be a better partner? Not just as a mom, but as his wife. Have I been insensitive to his experience? When was the last time we laughed together? Choose a day and make him the most important person in your life again. Yes, even more important than your child. Then, once both your guards are down, broach how you two can create a better system for your family. Things might not change immediately, but I believe you will be stunned by how transformative these small acts can be. It takes two, but as women, we have far more influence than we often give ourselves credit for.

Here’s my final reminder to you: your husband is not the enemy. You and your husband are on the same team, fighting against a common enemy—the one who seeks to influence your thoughts, to create division, and to tear down your marriage. Resentment can often wear the mask of empowerment or pride, but we must recognize it for what it truly is—a trap that leads to destruction.

Below are two resources that helped give me a fresh perspective. I recommend them to women looking to strengthen their marriage and relationships.

  1. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr.Laura Schlessinger

    I know, the title might make your eyes roll—it definitely did for me at one point. But once you get past that, this book is packed with insights. Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the author, is a tough, no-nonsense voice who challenges many modern views on relationships, which can either resonate with women or rub them the wrong way. But for me, her approach helped reframe my entire perspective on marriage. It encouraged me to take a step back and view things from my husband’s perspective. I truly believe this book has the power to change some women’s lives if you’re open to its message.

Visit here for Amazon book link

  1. Stephanie Ike’s YouTube series on Marriage

    Pastor Stephanie Ike’s series offers an amazing, deep dive into the foundations of a strong marriage. It’s rooted in biblical principles, but there is so much insight and value for men and women regardless of your faith background. Stephanie Ike is beyond gifted; I can’t say enough good things. Her teachings carry so much value and wisdom. Her YouTube series on marriage has really blessed me, and I’m confident it will bless you too.

Visit here for Youtube Series link

Have you struggled with resentment in your marriage or relationship, and how did you deal with that? Did venting give you what you were looking for? I’d love to hear what helped you through it.

With love,

Natalie Grace