Today, we’re diving into a topic that many of us can relate to—venting. Sometimes, we just need to let things out and express our frustrations. We’re even told it’s healthy, right? But let’s take a closer look at this, especially in the context of marriage. While it may feel good in the moment, this seemingly innocent behavior can lead us down paths of division, deception, and destruction if we’re not careful.

A Depleted Mom and a Facebook Forum
This topic landed on my heart recently when I came across a Facebook post of a mother venting anonymously about her husband in a private group. The post was lengthy, but in summary, she expressed frustration with her husband’s unequal contribution to their 14-month-old child. Both she and her husband work full-time, but since returning to work after maternity leave, she remains the primary caregiver, handling daycare drop-offs, lunches, bath times, and bedtimes, except on the one day a week she works and he doesn’t. She expressed feeling exhausted and depleted, barely finding time to shower or enjoy personal moments, while her husband seems to have more time for himself. The result? She’s left feeling unhappy, bitter, and resentful.

Obviously, my heart goes out to this mom. I’ve also seen this scenario play out multiple times in real life and across different forums on Facebook or Reddit following the same pattern; mothers expressing their overwhelm and exhaustion from taking on so much, and feel like their husbands are not contributing equally or to the extent they should. The outcome is the same: feelings of disconnect, bitterness and resentment towards Dad.

Treading through Icy Waters

Not surprisingly, the comment section is full of support and validation for the mom’s experience. Many women share their own testimonies in solidarity, and while some offer genuine, balanced advice, there is also a palpable spiteful and negative tone in these forums. It usually shows up as dissing men, the role of fathers and throwing ideas of separation, divorce, and singleness far too casually. I came across comments like: 

• “Since you’re doing everything yourself, you may as well get the alimony and leave him.”
• “Single mom here. It’s just easier this way.”
• “Find a man who values your worth and remind him that you don’t need him. I was doing everything and eventually asked my husband, ‘What is your purpose?’”

And this is when I have to pause and ask, is this really helping this woman? Are we empowering her or leading her and this family down a path of destruction in a situation that actually don’t know very much about? Because we have to be honest, we don’t know a lot. We don’t know anything about him, their history, personalities, or professions. We only know one side, her side. And without this, she can only really receive superficial validation. There also seems to be little consideration of what this advice means for her, her husband, their families, and most importantly, this child.

To be clear, this conversation is not about serious marital violations like infidelity or abuse—those are serious, separate discussions. What we’re dealing with here, as in most cases, are struggles over balance.

The Power of Words and Why They Matter

You might be thinking, it’s just a forum... No one is meant to put so much weight and importance on it. So why exactly does this commentary matter? I want to highlight one of my favourite bible scriptures, proverbs 4:23, where it says, 'Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.' This tells us that what we allow in —anger, resentment, or gratitude—has the power to shape the trajectory of our lives, including our marriages. I don't believe that's an overstatement. Because bitterness, left unchecked, can grow deep. It’s like poison. You may think the other person gets it, but you both drink it and it’s a slow trickle to destruction. Therefore, we must be vigilant about the counsel we allow into our hearts, and what we advice for others, because words have power. 

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

—Proverbs 4:23

Just think about this - How many divorces could have been prevented if seeds of resentment were caught early and nipped in the bud? And instead, humility, compassion, and forgiveness was nourished. Whatever the number is, it's mighty.

So when a woman reads comments such as — “He’s just sexist,” “He doesn’t value you” or “Oh, he’s narcissistic” (that’s a big one), and they don't know know the whole picture, it can be dangerous. Because what happens? A seed is planted in her mind. Thoughts show up like “Yeah, I deserve better than this. This isn’t what I signed up for. Maybe there’s someone out there who will respect me more and treat me better...” And just like that, she's questioning everything. Arguments begin. He feels disrespected, and belittled. They don’t see eye-to-eye. Separation follows. And then what? A broken home. The saddest part is that the two of them had an incredibly fulfilling life if they choose to approach one another differently. This is just one example of how something seemingly small can lead us down ugly paths if we’re not careful about what we allow in.

Here’s the thing: Satan doesn’t show up with a sign that says, “I’m the Devil.” No, he masquerades as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14). Sometimes, things that seem empowering are the very things tearing us down. It might look like self-respect, but nothing good comes from a prideful, self-righteous spirit. Real progress and real joy come from humility, love, and sacrifice. That’s where true strength lies.

Moving Forward in Unity and Real Empowerment
So, where do we go from here? In Part Two, I go deeper into the mindsets that often fail couples and discuss ways to move forward with real unity, joy, and empowerment.

For now, to the woman in the Facebook post and to any mother who shares her sentiments of feeling hurt and resentful, my heart goes out to you. I’m not suggesting your husband is perfect. But I encourage you to shift your focus. Instead of listing his shortcomings, recognize what he’s doing right. Write it down. Thank him. A little appreciation can breathe life into someone. Then, ask yourself honestly: where can I be a better partner? Not just as a mom, but as his wife. Have I been insensitive to his experience? When was the last time we laughed together? Choose a day and make him the most important person in your life again. Yes, even more important than your child. Then with humility, when both your guards are down, discuss how you can improve your system as a family. Things may not change overnight, but I believe you’ll be amazed at how transformative these small acts can be. It takes two, but as women, we often have more influence than we realize.

Finally, guard your heart, be wise about the counsel you let in, and lean into love. Your marriage and family are worth the fight.

I hope you join me for Part Two as we dive deeper into unity in marriage and relationships and explore some recommended resources.

With love,
Natalie Grace

Visit Part Two: Reclaiming Unity and True Empowerment in Marriage